I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
