That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
