hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
