Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
