Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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