anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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