Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
