Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
