i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
