id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
