Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Someone shattered a urinal.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
