One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
