The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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