You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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