i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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