We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
We smell like vodka and hangover
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