remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
