I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
