when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
no you cant smoke seaweed
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
