Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
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I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
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i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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