Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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