drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
