So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
