I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
