My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
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On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
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It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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