"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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