I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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