finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
