Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
