im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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