oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
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I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
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How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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