My first STD was from a foam party
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
