My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
