YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
