if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
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My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
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Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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