Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
