im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
