oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
