I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
