shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
