he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
