i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
