Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
