Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
