i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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