He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
