After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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