He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
