Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
