New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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