Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
