What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
