I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
