just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
