I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
