How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
