Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
