You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I have post one night stand depression
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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