So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
