I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
wrigley field is MILF paradise
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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