My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
