Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
