dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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