Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
