Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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