Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
