A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
