Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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