So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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