a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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