some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
